SevenSenses

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.”

-Marie Curie

As a very young child I was painfully shy.  I can still feel the emotion of the fear when I was at one of my older sister’s friends house and I wanted a napkin.  I asked my sister and she, trying to get me to be fearless I presume, said she wouldn’t ask for me; that I had to do it myself.  I did not ask out of fear and wiped my hands on a pair of pants that I ruined.  I regret that.

I sat on the side lines during sports games with my friends so that they wouldn’t know I did not know how to play.  By not participating, I couldn’t let anyone else down. I participated in basically individual team sports like gymnastics and swim team because I didn’t have to understand plays, etc.  I regret that.

I declined offers to go to parties because I was afraid that I would wind up being alone and awkward.  I regret that.

I didn’t apply for jobs that I really wanted because I was afraid of being declined.  I regret that.

I have very few regrets in my life.  I have absolutely made many poor choices but I can honestly say that I wouldn’t go back and redo most of them because I have learned so much through the experiences.  In fact, many of my worst apparent choices led me to my greatest discoveries.  When I reflect on what my regrets are, I can trace them all back to a single source: acting out of fear.

For each example of fear based action that resulted in regret, I have many more stories of inspired action that led to success … or failure that led to another action that led to another experience that I may never have had if I hadn’t taken that initial risk.

I was working in a shared office building in my early twenties.  There was a young man in the office down the hall who was very handsome.  I noticed him immediately and tried to make eye contact in hopes that he might spark a conversation.  He didn’t.  Months went by and nothing.  I learned that he was going to be gone for several months and the company I worked for was moving buildings.  If he left and we moved then my chance to meet him would be gone.  I have already established that I was very shy ( and in fact I still am- I’ve just learned some coping skills to get by) so I simply resigned myself to the fact that it wasn’t meant to be.

I don’t recall planning to do anything but I do remember having an old girlfriend over and sharing some wine together.  I told her about this handsome man that I would never see again and something inside me was inspired to act.  Now I say inspired because it came from somewhere outside of me.  I made a decision that day that I was going to ask him out.  Was I afraid?  Abso- freaking- lutely!!!  But my actions were not founded in fear, they were inspired; inspired to make myself vulnerable.

I will never forget the next day.  I got in my car just before lunchtime when I knew he would head outside ( yes, each time I retell this story I recognize that it was a bit like stalking but …).  I waited in my car and when he stepped out the door of the office building I pulled up, rolled my window down and asked him to lunch. He said yes. We went to D’angelos and had the most awkward lunch EVER.  But not a single regret!  We are now celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary.

Early in our marriage we didn’t make much money.  I was not working when we had our first two children but we wanted to purchase real estate.  We found an opportunity but no bank would lend us money.  We bought it on credit cards and then refinanced when we could demonstrate stable rental income. Now when we tell that story people cringe at the thought.  Do I regret it – NOPE! You know what I regret?  I regret the decision to not take action on a beach property because we were afraid of the unconventional property lines.  That property has since sold for over a million bucks.

Inspired, in spirit, that inner knowing that you are following the right path regardless of your fear. Taking the leap to understand more about what you are inspired by (so that you can fear less) can be daunting but we are given this lifetime to be vulnerable, learn and most importantly experience joy and grow.  Be inspired and do great things.

When you reflect on your greatest regrets, what motivated you – fear or inspiration?

What will motivate your next action today?